MS & I

Thursday, September 22, 2016


Sitting in the hospital getting my 56th Tysabri infusion when I realized I missed writing a blog post for last month. My bad, my bad! So I have two hours to kill and realized this would be great time to "put pen to paper" and let you know what has been going on, but honestly there is nothing to exciting to report. Well, there have been many things in the works over the past two months. but honestly I have been very reluctant to share any of those things because I am scared that I might "jinx" the chances of them happening.
For example: if you follow me on Instagram & or Facebook you saw how giddy I was about the opportunity to get myself a service dog. This is something that I have been looking forward to for years and it was finally going to happen! With money that I made from the car accident I could finally afford it. And that meant that I would no longer need to employ my cane or walker to help me get around.  But alas it didn't pan out and soon I would literally go crawling back to those horrid devices. So what happened? Titus, my future service dog had been in training for 2 weeks when I got the sad news that he just wasn't going to work for what I needed. The trainers were worried that he might be a bit too skittish and possibly knock me over or drag me down. Something I definitely did not need or want. Obviously heart broken and overwhelmed I decided not to continue with the program and find another dog. (I was going to post a pic of Titus and I, but I actually deleted all of them.) So because of that whole situation you can see why I am hesitant to share any "news" until things are set in stone.
So with that being said I can only hope and pray that things go the way I plan, but then again  I NEVER planned to be diagnosed with MS at the age of 21 before I really got to experience life. But it is what it is. It sucks, big time. But I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and for whatever reason I was "blessed" with this struggle in my life. So for right now I will just have to be stared at while using a cane or walker.  And as in the words in my late brother Denver '"who cares?"

Friday, June 24, 2016


A few weeks ago we were able to do a little camping trip with our best friends and their family. I love the out doors and consider my self lucky to live in such a beautiful state. It is defiantly one thing that I wish I could be more involved with. But I was always worried that in my condition it would be more of a pain rather than an enjoyment. After years of saying how much we would love to enjoy more of the outdoors we finally made the decision that a few purchases might make that goal possible.
Last summer Jeff got a part time job (as if he didn't have enough on his plate already!) at the local Sports Authority to get the employee discount and to put some money away to make bigger purchases. Soon walking poles in tow we felt ready to get down and dirty and go camping!

Still rather fearful that it might be too hot, that I wouldn't be able to sleep, or (my biggest fear) not being able to get around the campsite. Oh and to top it off my 2 1/2 year old was coming as well! On the bright side I was also going with my amazing husband who pretty much did ALL of the packing and shopping. And our amazing friends who pretty much made this little get away possible.
one of my favorite parts of the weekend we went on a very short walk/hike to the water falls. The beauty of the falls was really just a perk to what made this day so great. I will talk more about this in another post, but I have really been pushing my self to work out every morning before my daughter wakes up. I start each morning of with 30 minutes of yoga and then 45 minutes of Ti Chi. Feeling like now was the time to really test it out! I surprised myself, husband, and friends as I decided to do little exploring my self. My husband behind my. caught off guard that I didn't turn around for assistance he began to record.

Oh my goodness! This was all me! I totally shocked my self. Just about a year ago I struggled just climbing the stairs while holding on to the banister. So now I definitely consider myself as someone who is healing from MS and not just someone dealing with MS.

Friday, May 20, 2016


my new nickname from a friend... A couple of weeks ago I had the awesome experience of getting in a major car accident. I guess you could say I have experienced almost everything dramatic! I swear  this world is out to get me! I so far have survived MS, cancer, a week in the ICU & now a crazy car accident that completely totaled my car but, I walked away. I spent less time in the hospital then I usually do. Like my husband says "nobody can kick your ass but you"

I was spun across 3 lanes of traffic & and ended up on the front lawn of a Subway.
(I was trying to turn left)

what is so crazy is that I felt like I was in a movie going "slow mo" as I saw the truck speed up & then slam into me. The next thing I remember was trying to hit the breaks because I didn't want to end up on the lawn. I don't know why I would find that important after being in a head on crash. The next thing I heard was a knock on my window from a police officer who was trying to open my door but couldn't due to the front bumper being lodged under the door. Two bewildered gentlemen ran from the Subway to assist the police officer. Before I knew it paramedics were speaking with me about going to the nearest hospital. Soon I was loaded on a backboard/stretcher into the back of the ambulance. While at this time I was in surprising minimal pain, I still felt tears streaming down my face. Soon Jeff was in the ambulance doing just what I needed, cracking jokes about the condition of the car saying "there is a chance you might not be able to drive that car anymore." What Jeff & I have found in this life of issues is that humor is what need in order to handle some of life's tough situations. When I arrived at the ER they sent me in for some x-rays to make sure nothing was broken. I was amazed that just 3 hours later I was walking out of the hospital.

On the ride home I jokingly reminded Jeff just how boring his life would be with out me. And then we spoke about how blessed we are that Swayer was not in the car with me (I was on my way home after dropping her off for her first day of preschool) & that even though my situation is definitely not ideal I do have so much to be thankful for & when I really think about it I have a pretty great life, mostly due to the people that surround me. While resting in the ER both of our phones were receiving text messages & phone calls of concern & love. I wondered how the heck people knew about the accident as I was still trying to take in the fact that I had just been in a accident. I defiantly wasn't surprised to find that my brother Trevor took the time to write a concerned post asking for prayers and good vibes for his little sister. I was shocked to see over 100 comments from people that I didn't even know saying that I was in their prayers. I truly believe that is one of the main reasons why I walked away with only a few cuts, bumps, & bruises. Who would have ever thought that Facebook could be such a blessing. 

While Ive been reflecting the past few weeks I absolutely believe that my heavenly father was watching over me & that for whatever reason this happened to me for a reason & that I need to take this experience and learn from it. 

Monday, April 11, 2016


Recently I have really been focusing on my health. I know that sounds weird considering my current health status, but I have noticed over the past 6 years of my diagnosis that I have basically been like a medication robot. Every morning I wake up grab my pill bag and pill case and begin the pill taking "countdown".

This is my norm, I feel like I need these pills to get through the day and to sleep at night. Which is totally fine. I am honestly not bothered by this at all. No its not like I take the pills and fill like I can now conquer the world and the my MS no longer exists. It does however give me the energy and strength I need to fulfill my daily tasks. But I feel that this is not enough. I need not only the ability to complete my tasks of the day but the confidence that I can do them.

Here is where the word can't comes in. In order to be healthy in body I finally realized that my mind needs to be healthy as well. I am constantly told how positive I am and that my attitude is remarkable.   I do feel blessed to have a positive outlook on my life, but I also feel that I tend to put on a good show. Some days all I want to do is mope around and feel bad for myself, which does absolutely nothing for me and only declines my health more. 

So I have decided that step one of my mental health journey it to eliminate the word can't. I remember very clearly in my first grade classroom a wreath hanging in the front of the classroom that read "can't died in the cornfield". I am eliminating that word from my vocabulary so I don't tell my body what it can or can't do before I even try.
no more excuses saying "I can't because of MS" 
you are what you think!

Monday, March 7, 2016


walking & MS don't really go together, well in my case it sure doesn't! A few weekend ago we were invited to go on a fun little adventure with our friends. Of course in my mind all I could think of is that a lot of walking would be involved. So I grabbed my walking sticks (basically ski poles) & hoped for only the best. The first day started off with a mile and a half "hike" to dead horse point. I say "hike" because in all reality any healthy person would just call it a long walk on dirt. I was determined! When starting I was feeling pretty dang good & had the confidence that I would be able to finish! After about 10 minutes it was already time for me to sit down, catch my breath & give my heavy legs a rest! Ok let be honest for a moment... my fashionable mind got the best of me when I wore clothing and shoes that defiantly not suited for any type of out door activity other than a BBQ or picnic. 

Anywayw... like I was saying, I lasted about 10 minutes while resting I realized that I have not gone on a hike the entire 6 years that I have had MS. & that last summer it was my goal to complete one. So with that thought I got up and kept going. Sure I maybe walked 5-10 minutes in-between breaks. But with the support of my husband & amazing friends I made it.

I couldn't believe that I could actually say that I SAMANTHA finished a one and a half mile hike. The end result was beautiful in everyday possible & was proud to say that I did walk it. Sure it probably took a few hours to complete. But I was so lucky to have a supportive team behind me, to push & encourager me. 
So here's to more outdoor fun this summer. I refuse to let MS take what little I have left. As long as I am not in a wheel chair you can consider the fact that I CAN DO IT! 

Wednesday, February 24, 2016


So I have been thinking lately about needing to "blog" more & would like to set a goal of 1 post a month. & my reasoning behind this is so I can keep my goals. Lets be honest we have all had a list of goals & maybe stuck with it for about a week or two. I tried think back to when I did stick to my "schedule". High school was the first thing that came to mind, remembering all those early morning work outs for the drill team. & I asked myself why did I do so well with showing up every morning at 5am for three years? Well let's be honest it was REALLY hard, no teenager is happy about getting to school when it is still dark. Anyways... getting back to the subject. I did so well because other people were depending on me, I had a team to motivate me. So I figured if I share my goals, hopes, & dreams it will remind me of how important those goals are, & that I have an "audience" of sorts to see what I have accomplished. So that being said, my first goal is to write a blog post at least once a month. This will force me to type! Something that I have been struggling with since being diagnosed with MS. I will think of it as a way to "exercise" my left hand. A little physical therapy if you will.

So to sum it all up, I need to know that I have a "team" supporting me & cheering me on with the goals to defeat this nasty disease.